Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
