Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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