and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
