I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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