I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
