chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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