I will die if light touches me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
