Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
