Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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