probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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