so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
