Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
