craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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