He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Terrible idea I love it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
