What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
