I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
