Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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