grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
