plz talk dirty to me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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