You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
