it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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