i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
