i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize