haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
they need to just BURY HIM!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
