He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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