My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
