# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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