Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
