Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
