He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
