i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize