so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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