it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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