I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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