Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
