On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
