Yo dont text me then not text me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Watching her eat just hurts me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
