as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
