Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
