i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
