The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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