dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
