I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
