I showed him my bush... on skype.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
