Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
