So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i came on her dog
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
