her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
