My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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