worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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