My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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