i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
