The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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