I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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