all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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