i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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