Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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