So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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