Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
