i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
