Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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