why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He passed out mid-signature
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
