I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I intend to get homeless drunk
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
