I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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