Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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