Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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