Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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