I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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