I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
