She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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