It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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