So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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