Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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