Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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