the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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