my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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