paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
