You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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