Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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